When Albert Raines assesses his life of sixteen years sorting potato chips on an assembly line and discovers he’s going nowhere, he decides to invest his meager savings into a get rich quick scheme. Purchasing stray dogs from the pound, he figures out a way to sell them for twenty times their worth…maybe. There’s just one hitch in his plan…he and his two friends, Arlo and Moochie, have to create the illusion of a full scale criminal invasion of their small town without actually committing a crime themselves. As their attempts escalate from pranks to home invasion to terrorist attacks on the local dam, the number of dogs they have to purchase in order to eliminate any competition also grows geometrically, and all seventy-nine of them are housed inside Albert’s home. From collecting unbelievable amounts of dog poop to finding a way to feed the growing kennel to learning to tolerate the smell, the men are running around in ever shrinking circles until, one day, they are forced to take in 36 cats, untold numbers of bunnies, a mad-as-hell goat, a belligerent opossum, parakeets, skunks, a 14 foot python, a jabbering monkey, and a mynah bird that loves to scream FIRE! Toss in real criminals, rainy funerals, American Ninjas, and high explosives and you have the makings of a wildly humorous adventure that never stops moving forward. If you’ve ever had “one of those days,” you’ll delight in reading about how Albert is having “one of those lives.”
“Dog Gone!” is a novel you pick up when you just want to get away from your troubles and laugh; and Albert and his friends will give you a whole lot to chuckle about. It’s fast; it’s funny; and it’s free (well, almost at only ninety-nine cents).
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